Firstly, what does it mean to be a single person?
Due to so much focus on marriage and procreation, the quest to create the next generation puts much pressure on individuals who are yet unmarried. You do not have to allow this to set you on the edge, learn to live a fulfilling life single or not. Therefore, to respond to this question, the following should be considered.
· A single person can experience productive life without always depending on others for possible survival.
· It typically describes someone who is legally unjoined as husband and wife. So, if you are living with someone and you are legally unjoined, even if you have kids together with the person you are legally single. For a typical instance, in some African culture, if a woman bears kids without legally/officially joined (no dowry paid), the child belongs to the woman alone and her family, the man cannot lay claim on the child until he fulfils the traditional or legal obligations.
· If you were formerly married and lost your spouse because of death, you become unmarried.
· If you are engaged but not officially joined, you are still unmarried because engagements can be terminated.
However, this does not mean that being single is bad neither is it a problem that requires a solution and it is not a punishment. Being single is not a curse neither is marriage an achievement. That you are unmarried does not mean you are inferior to those who are married, and you are not underprivileged in any way. Being single remains nothing to be ashamed of, so calm down, if you desire to get married wait patiently and do not drag yourself into untimely death/trauma in the name of marriage.
Without more ado, there are different types of single persons. 1Corinthians 7:7-9 “For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn”.
· The first is those desiring to get married and therefore are patiently waiting for the accurate time.· Some people do not desire to get married and has decided to purposely enjoy their lives as singles.
· Some are single because of the loss of their spouses or divorce.
· There are some who because of their beliefs has decided not to get married as a requirement for their calling, for instance, the Roman Catholic clergies.
According to Mathew 19:10-12, “His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.
11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.
12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.”
Consequently, there are so many reasons why people stay single, some are a personal choice, Health challenges, beliefs, and other circumstances, while some others are out of compulsion or past experiences, hence people should not be stigmatised and do not allow themselves to be affected by the stigma. People get depressed in their singleness because they do not quite comprehend their purpose and how to live honourably in their singleness.
Apostle Paul was unmarried, and he achieved an outstanding impact during his lifetime and his works however speak till today. Being single does not mean you are incomplete, and the bible confirms that in Colossians 2:8-10 “Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ. For in Him dwell all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.” Singleness is not your identity. Jesus Christ never married and up until now the world still experiences his impartation. There are so many other people we cannot mention that achieved greatness while living as single.
Furthermore, being single should not impel you to feel lonely, it is more divine to be single and fulfilled than to be in a toxic relationship. You are unmarried only in the eyes of men but before God, you are not, God is your true partner. John 14:18-19 “I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you. A little while longer and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you will live also.” It is indeed a gift from God as marriage. It is a time of character refining and discipline. Embrace it with purpose.
Single and waiting:
If you are waiting, make sure you are not wasting as well. Do not panic, we all wait for something in our lives, though most people are not patient enough to wait. But the fact remains that we constantly wait for something especially if it is precious to us. A pregnant woman waits for 9 months to embrace her child. We wait for our food, as we must prepare it and allow it to cook unless we want to eat it raw, and the result will be getting sick. When we want to acquire a degree or any academic certificate, we wait for a certain period to complete the process and so on. A waiting room represents a room for preparation. Waiting is not wasting if you properly wait. It is your refining time, you are in a making process. If you wait without purpose, you are wasting.
How can you experience a purposeful life while waiting? Just remember life has stages and right now you are in your waiting stage. Do not be pressurised into any relationship because in your mind all your mates are married. Life represents a race; everybody’s race is not the same because our destinies are not the same. Do not use another person’s timing for yourself.
While you wait, occupy yourself. Wait with mission and purpose. You need to have a defined life, find your purpose which is what you live for.
Your waiting is supposed to be with purpose not just to get married, remember marriage is not an achievement neither is it the destination of anyone. If you are waiting just to get married, you will get tired of the marriage before time and will waste away because there is no purpose. Marriage is just one of the gateways to fulfilling purpose, therefore your life should not end in marriage.
Wait by engaging yourself in purposeful activity, get busy with God and his work as you do so God will cause someone who will work with you and support you in that purpose as a wife or husband to come your way. Adam in the bible was not idle when Eve came into his life, Genesis 2:15,19-20 ”Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it…And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.”
If you stay idle, you will meet your kind, someone waiting and wasting as well, and you know with both of you together it is a volcano waiting to erupt. No one desires such a life. If you possess no vision you will likely meet someone without one, and if you are fortunate to meet someone with one your lack of vision could drag the person’s vision to ground zero, it will only take the Grace of God to save that vision. Remember, deep calls out to deep. Therefore, be purposeful in your singleness and serve the Lord and humanity. Be responsible in your singleness so that you can take responsibility in your home when the time comes.
It is pertinent to get yourself prepared as a single if you are waiting else it will be a disaster waiting to happen. Luke 14:28-30 “For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish.”
Most times God desire us to remain single for a time being and a purpose but when we choose our path and do otherwise by jumping into a marriage when it is not yet time, we suffer the consequences. It is also better sometimes to remain single because there are things that you cannot do as a married person due to marital commitments, but you can achieve as single because there is no marital commitment to consider.
1Corinthians 7:32 “But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.”
SINGLE WITH KIDS
If you are an unmarried mom or dad, brace yourself up, it may not be an easy journey, but the best thing here is to treat yourself and your kids with utmost care and love. You have your hands full already taking care of the children under your care. Focus on loving yourself, God, and your children, and you will not even feel you are single. It is better than going into a relationship you are unsure how you will fare in it unless you are led by the spirit of God to be involved in a marital relationship.
However, if you desire to allow it, then see my advice on the single and waiting paragraph above. You do not require another to be happy or feel loved. Date yourself, take yourself out, be positive with life and do everything for you and your kids.
Over here are more tips on how to purposefully live as a single:
· Improve yourself to conquer your grounds. This is where you find out who you are and develop yourself, build your confidence and your faith in God. Be the best version of yourself in your singleness.
· Figure out your vision and goals in life and pursue them with vigour, make a SMART plan on how to achieve them. You do not need to be married to achieve this. It is what you are as a single that you bring to the table when you get joined.
· Love yourself and bolster your self-esteem with vigour. Being single allows you more time for self-care. Go to planned vacations, pamper yourself and have a ‘me’ time. Enjoy the company of yourself alone.
· Focus on strengthening your core. Avail yourself of divine assignment, get busy with the work of God.
· Develop your skills and talents, engage in training and study as much as you can.
· Find your passion and follow it.
· Make good friends, enjoy your family time.
· Learn to save for rainy days.
· Take up a job or generate one and represent an employer of labour.
· Find a personal project geared towards your life goals and make an impact through it. Being single provides to you more opportunity to serve in extraordinary capacities without limitations.
· Do not compare yourself or your progress with others. Be content with what you have and in your singleness. Dream big and think positive about your dreams.
· Beware of your advisers and the company you keep.
· Build yourself up in the word of God and prayer. Engage yourself in a deeper walk with God. Occupy yourself with spiritual exercise. Being single allows you more time for undivided devotion to God.
· Give God enough of your time, devote your time to others and achieve an undeniable impact in their lives.
In conclusion, always remember it is a gift to be single, it is not a curse. Singleness is not a problem waiting to be fixed rather a life waiting to shine. It is raw gold being refined and defined. Single life has its blessings just as married life does and being married does not mean you are experiencing a purposeful life. Some people are married without purpose just like many are living their single life without purpose.
There are so many things to achieve other than marriage. Constantly remember that getting married will not remedy all your problems, this way you will be careful who you settle down with.
Do not present yourself desperate for anything other than desperation to fulfil a godly purpose. If you are not happy being single, you may be unhappy in a relationship. You need to create your life first before sharing it with someone else.
Do not merely live by waiting, wait by intentionally living, the grass is not greener on the other side.
Therefore, experience a purposeful and distinct life as a single and you will be doing yourself a considerable favour.
Note: if after this you however find it difficult to live life and achieve the purpose as a single person, your mind needs to be renewed. It is all in your mind, seek counsel from matured, reputable and God-fearing minds.
I really like that you addressed the fact that being single isn’t a curse and that being married is not an achievement.
As always I love this quote of yours: “Improve yourself to conquer your grounds. This is where you find out who you are and develop yourself, build your confidence and your faith in God. Be the best version of yourself in your singleness.”
Of course, Christ and Apostle Paul were single, fulfilled their purpose in life.
Being married is good and a blessing from God.
Being single could be a choice or could be a result of a difficult blow life dealt us.
It isn’t always easy to live a single life because of societal pressures.
But you said it right when you pointed out that it’s better to live an intentional or purposeful single life than to lose your purpose, soul and sometimes life, in a toxic marriage.
Thank you once again, Peace
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Thanks, Ibi, your comments mean a lot.
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