Three most important things missing in today’s relationships.

Relationships have felt weaker due to this, thus causing break-ups, divorces, separations, and the end of good connections in the family, at work, and between married couples.

The following elements are vital but absent in a modern relationship.

1. Compromise:  when you are compromised, you will become vulnerable, flawed, weakened and prone to an external attack. It is the same with relationships. Compromise is both a negative and positive concept. The positive aspect is that both parties win or concede to a common goal together, and no one is left out. As opposed to the negative, which is when your values, lifestyles, habits, and self are altered so that they are devalued, and in turn, you become less of yourself, looking so different from who you are initially. Many people attempt to gain approval from others or achieve something, but they lose everything, including their self-worth. Only one party reaps the benefits at the other’s expense by agreeing to another person’s proposal and yet not benefiting from it.

When you and your significant other or partner apply favourable compromise to your relationship, you will grow together. By doing this, you establish a common ground to play upon, without doubt, increasing the trust and security of both parties and making them accountable to one another. Your relationship will be more consistent and safer, but this is lacking. 

Today, no one is willing to compromise. Relationships are not always all roses and juicy, and working with someone does not always mean that you will like or love them, especially if you have a goal. It is advised to be clear with your partner from the start about your stance; nevertheless, both parties must compromise to achieve your target or goal. The idea is to find a middle ground that is agreeable to both parties. The same principle should also be applied in marital relationships. You may not always win an argument, but you let it go, not forgetting to make your opinion and stance known.

This well put is considered forgiveness for your own sanity and general peace. However, this compromise must come from both parties, giving up some demands for peace. Be that as it may, this is far-fetched. Instead, people try to dig bitterly into situations, holding firmly on to things, trying to be right even when it is clear they are in the wrong, hence unforgiveness, hatred and bitterness.  

Any organisation that allows this will not survive with everyone trying to be the perfect one with animosity, jealousy, and unnecessary competition. The same goes for family relationships, marriage relationships, friendships etc.

Another challenge is when you are ready to compromise, and the other is unwilling; there is little or nothing you can do because both parties need to be prepared to compromise for the relationship to work. It is not advised to be lopsided; it must be from everyone involved.

A lopsided compromise leads to one party being purposely taken advantage of, taking in all the specks of dirt alone, taking all the blame alone and being at the receiving end, resulting in feelings of abandonment and resentment. When such feeling is fed in a marital relationship, the next will be breaking up, isolation, separation, or divorce. There should be room for favourable compromise, forgiveness, and letting things go in any relationship.

When you are taken for granted and forced to accept faults or responsibilities in the family. It is not healthy at all; at a point, you will begin to feel abandoned, unfairly treated and pushed to the wall, feeling ostracised and unwanted despite your efforts to positively compromise. There are so many whose lives have been cut short as a result. Those who are not strong enough to take it or handle the feeling may commit suicide, suffer a mental breakdown, and others will cut off family links or walk away from the family.

These days, no one is willing to compromise, forgive, or let things go for peace. Everyone wants to show how “faultless” and “perfect” they are, yet they are most dangerous. We all have our weaknesses as humans, and there is nothing wrong with accepting that you have a drawback, but it becomes a problem when you do not want to work on it.

And suppose you are unwilling to find common ground where you can both play instead of causing resentments and bitterness, which is more dangerous. Considerably you can peacefully walk away, quit the job, and separate for a while to always say hi to one another anytime your paths cross, avoiding matters that touch the heart.

Again, instead of compromising the relationship, find a middle ground where you can play and be safer. Come to think of it, a connection is being able to relate with others. However, the relationship’s importance to you determines the level or extent to which you link.

When a good compromise is given a chance, there is a chance for a healthy relationship. Having said all these, wisdom is needed in applying concession. Otherwise, others will continue to take advantage of you. Before you realise it, you have lost yourself in the process. Nobody should be unfairly treated reason lots of relationships lack favourable compromise. You shouldn’t compromise your values; no matter the outcome of events, your integrity must not be stained, but you can have an understanding with your partner.

2. Communication: Nowadays, people you relate with expect you to be a mind reader. How will someone know what you are going through if you do not tell them? Everyone has their problems and things going on in their lives, and their minds are already occupied with so many things to think of other people’s challenges. Unless you let someone know, they will not be aware. Even if your character or mood is exhibiting signs of challenges or someone with issues, no one knows precisely what is going on. And you cannot help anyone or conclude things out of assumptions.

If you do not let anyone in, they may not want to be involved until you are ready to talk. I cannot force you to speak if you do not want to, but I will encourage you to speak your mind. It is unthinkable for you to expect the other person to read your mind or start to assume what is going on with you. Most people will say, ‘you are supposed to know, and they expect you to ask them. Many had learnt not to ask because the experience was bitter when they did ask, and it was considered as ‘not minding your business. Therefore, no matter how the problem manifests on your face, no one will ask until you speak up about your issues.

When communication is lacking, it is simultaneous to losing the connection you need to get the necessary information to keep abreast of happenings, socially, mentally, financially and health-wise etc.

This lack could also be in misunderstanding, choice of words, ineffectiveness, stonewalling (the silent treatment) etc. It can be dangerous and affect your mental health and the health of everyone involved. Most people find it difficult to communicate due to their environment, upbringing, built-up resentments, and culture. Hence, it is imperative to help one another share information if this is the case or your relationship will stall.

When excellent and effective communication is lacking, achieving a mutual goal will be an uphill task because a mutual agreement is absent. This breeds a lack of trust and bonding. You tend to avoid communicating or expressing yourself because you want to avoid conflict, which is inevitable anytime you express yourself. Things you are supposed to deal with, talk about or discuss are avoided. If left unattended, it piles up and can cause significant damage or irreconcilable differences. At this point, it will only require the Mighty hand of God to repair the damage. It is essential to understand that conflicts are part of a relationship; you disagree to agree. You cannot avoid it if you want to be in a relationship or partnership; it will happen. Your responsibility is to equip yourself for things like that and learn how to handle conflicts positively in any relationship instead of avoiding them.

Stonewalling and expecting someone to know what is going on in your mind is ridiculous, yet many indulge in it. You and your partner need some space or time to gather your thoughts, consider the situation and decide, but leaving that space too long can be dangerous. It will make it grow more exhaustive than it should, be it work, family or marital relationship.

You may avoid connecting or find it challenging to communicate with others, not wanting to be yelled at and be reminded of your past mistakes and downfalls; instead of speaking out, you keep mute. It is essential to say that yelling is not an excellent way to communicate; it makes the situation worse than it is. The wrong choice of words can put your relationship at a standstill and make the other party isolated from you. These are dangerous for a relationship, and they will also affect anyone around you in a manner of transferred aggression. You take it from workplace to family and vice versa.

3. Commitment: when you are able and willing to be loyal to something or a course. However, if you are not prepared, it could be a sign of fear of committing. You must be totally committed; anything less is wishy-washy. As written in Mtt.22.37, Jesus said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.Commitment is absolute dedication to your belief. Due to the lack of motivation, this type of dedication is rare today. Nothing motivates you to devote yourself to anyone or any cause. When you relate with the wrong motives, you will not be dedicated to it. When you connect without a purpose, or the relationship has no goal, there will be nothing to press toward; as the scripture says in Philippians 3.14, “I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”  

Only with a purposeful mindset in a relationship can you stick to a relationship. Nobody wants to board a train that has no course or direction. Also, when you do not know what you want in a relationship, it is hard to commit to it.

Taking responsibility and embracing change is crucial in this situation, but the participants are unwilling to do so. Most people do not desire to establish long-term relationships with others because they are not ready to settle with one person or a particular course. Afraid of taking on the responsibilities that come with relationships. Do not want anyone to be dependent on you because you do not want to be accountable to anyone. In the early stage of the relationship, you were enthusiastic because, at this stage, there are a lot of exciting moments. Over time, however, you start to feel exhausted. If the excitement and anticipation of another inspirational moment have diminished, you are weary, and it feels like giving up, leading to a loss of commitment.

With the journey becoming more challenging, you lose dedication and commitment due to a lack of consistency in what used to be the norm. If you have the mindset that there are no challenges, it will be difficult, especially when the storms come.

 Commitment is a binding promise and should not be applied only when it is convenient. 100% commitment and involvement are required, and it should be mutual and not lopsided. There is so much lukewarmness and less compassion amongst couples and partners hence the lack of commitment.  

So many people profess love yet find it challenging to commit; why? This is due to the fear of hurting others, being broken, and the trauma of past experiences. A complicated relationship with your parents, friends, or past can trigger this reaction. This creates a cloud of fear, and you prefer to stay aloof in a relationship.

Many people are apprehensive about committing because it feels like being confined to a prison wall. In addition, others are hesitant to share what they have, their lives or spaces with someone. There will not be true devotion when you are unwilling to open or reveal yourself to your partner. In addition to trust, feelings of inadequacy will transfer to your significant other when you cannot trust yourself to commit and feel that you are not good enough.

Furthermore, most people are commitment-phobic, untrusting, and unable to keep promises. Commitment means you will have to keep your word, so when you are adept at breaking contracts committing will be a problem.

You don’t want anything to slip through your fingers. Thus, you refuse to commit to just one relationship because you want to experience everything, which is crazy and deceitful. Consequently, you need to realise that no matter how spectacular a relationship appears, you might even have a great purpose or vision at your core. However, if you are unwilling to devote yourself to it, all your dreams and aspirations will crumble.

Today it is difficult to find unwavering commitment, and relationships are ruined by broken promises. The importance of these three factors is often overlooked, and the emphasis is instead placed on love alone.

Where is the place of love when communication, compromise, and commitment are absent? It is likely to crash or float when these elements are missing from a relationship. Sadly, these three are not given a chance and are lacking in modern relationships.

Consider the above factors when in a relationship or when planning to get involved with someone else. You can rely on them to sustain your relationship or salvage an impending disaster.

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