Important facts on Courtship, Dating and Proposal.

What is the Difference?

What to do, and what not to do.

Courtship is the period when a man tries to woo a woman with the intention of marriage while dating on the other hand does not have marriage as a goal

Courtship has one singular motive which is to find a spouse, confirm compatibility and will of God. It is the next level of dating. It officially starts when a proposal is made, and you both decide to take things seriously. It involves knowing and discussing future goals and prospects, visions, values, and motives. At this point, both families are officially aware of the relationship.

Dating could be a social hangout with no strings attached. However, it is also tricky here, because indulge in unacceptable behaviour hence, they

hide the relationship from their parents.

In dating most individuals get deceived thinking they are courting while it is a mere friendship, at the end of the day someone assumes they have been disappointed with the feeling of being used and dumped when the other person moves on to another relationship. This happens when a relationship is not defined from the beginning, like I said in my previous video, that every relationship needs to be defined from the very start to avoid waste of time, energy and resources, and to maintain boundaries.

So, Courtship has a specific end from the start while dating has no clear purpose or intention.

Courtship takes away confusions and questions like

*what are we?

*what do you want from me?

*are we friends or is there more to this? 

Courtship and everything that happens in the process is and should be intentional.

According to Nona Jones,

Dating is like a comma whereas courting is like a period.

Courting vs dating, 2008.

In dating marriage is not discussed, yet they relate as though they are married couples, everything obtainable in marriage plays out even though they are not married. Those involved in dating are afraid of commitment, most of them do not care about the future of the relationship, and most times if it comes up in their discussion, it leads to fights and arguments.

The question is, why act married if indeed you are not, and not ready for commitment? For this reason and more, people have kids out of wedlock, children experiencing the trauma of broken homes, and single parenting which takes its toll on the children due to the choices the adult or parents made.

It is unfortunate that today courtship has been pushed to the back and replaced with dating. But a true Christian believes and upholds courtship which is the rightful part and process to a godly relationship that materializes into marriage.

Courtship is not popular in the society of today because they choose to play in darkness and secrets. And because it allows parents involvement(aware), it mostly results in marriage and sexual intimacy is not allowed, the process is monitored to avoid going beyond boundaries, and so all these principles, couples of this generation are opposed to them. They just want to make their own decision without parental input of any kind. They believe sexual intimacy is a relief activity, so they engage in it at will in any kind of relationship.

In courtship the moment a relationship is established, parents are informed and allowed to give their opinions or inputs if needed. Proverbs 15:22 “Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established”.  Family involvement in courtship gives you the opportunity to know who you are dealing with and the family standards, it could also be an avenue or a door that opens your eyes to things you do not know about your significant other. You do not want to realize later that you have dived into an ocean that you possibly cannot swim in.

In courtship, commitment precedes intimacy, unlike worldly dating where intimacy comes before commitment. So, which one is better? Proverbs 4:23 “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it springs the issues of life” This scripture is important in every relationship as it helps you not to make the mistake of calling black, white, i.e., choosing the wrong person, and looking beyond the physical attributes of that person.

I will say dating simply means testing food. It is a game, and you cannot play games with a lifetime decision or event.

IMPORTANT FACTS TO NOTE:

  • Not all courtship ends in marriage.
  • A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.
  • Genuine friendship is the foundation of a good and godly relationship.
  • Make your friendship strong and genuine.
  • Dating is a trial-and-error process.
  • Shun “leading one another to avoid unnecessary disappointment.
  • Courtship/dating is not marriage.
  • Do not put yourself in a position that you will be responding to your flesh instead of the Spirit of God.
  • Do not commit yourself to someone who is not ready to make a real commitment, it is risky.
  • Do not force yourself or anyone to commit to the relationship, it must be willful, if not, then it is not genuine.
  • Do not prioritize love alone, there are other things to consider as well to complement love.
  • When a proposal is made, do not let your guards down, because the proposal does not mean married,
  • Not all Proposals end in tying the knot(marriage),
  • Be watchful, some proposals are just a trap from the pit of hell or for the other person to get their desires or satisfaction.

When you get into a car, you must have a destination or direction of where you are going, else you roam, burning your fuel for nothing and at the end of the day, nothing is achieved. So, do not waste your precious time in a fruitless drive, not with a lifetime or lifelong things like this.

proposal

WHAT TO DO AFTER A PROPOSAL:

  • Pray and seek the face of God to know if it is His Will, before saying yes or no.
  • Give it time for reflection.
  • Do not be haste to say yes.
  • After confirming your answer, keep praying and watch.
  • Make sure to give your answer at the right time, to avoid wasting the other person’s time.

Hopefully, this helps to stir your relationship wheels in the right direction. All the best in your relationship as the Lord guides your footsteps.

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